The 13 Articles of Faith of Mormon Culture

My friend Zach posted this on his blog and I HAD to post it on mine for all my Utah County friends. It's call the 13 Articles of Faith of Mormon Culture and it's dead on! Enjoy!

1. We believe in SUVs and minivans, as the form of transportation, and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in the multilevel marking.
2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.
3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups, and rice all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.
4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are: first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole, that is, if you have it.
5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part thereof.
6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering, inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and Jesus, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.
8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic; we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.
9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and vacations.
10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The Work and the Glory.
11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the same privilege, and let them name drop the names of Famous and general authorities how, where, or what they may.
12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and sustaining Glenn Beck.
13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic, and
being fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed, we may say that
we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites, we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after these things.

I'm A Phoenix

I re-started my Master's program last night at the University of Phoenix. I'm getting a Master's Degree in Secondary Education along with a teaching certificate for Health and Science. I LOVE being in school! I'm taking Adolescent and Childhood Development and it is an awesome class. I'm stoked to be accomplishing this goal! I'll be done with classwork in September of next year and done with student teaching in January of 2011. I'm proud that I'll be done with my Master's at 26! Yea!

Top Ten Movie Quotes

Anyone that knows my family knows we don't communicate like normal human beings do. Instead we quote movies to each other to get our points across. So I've decided to compile my top ten favorite movie quotes of all time. Here they are!

10) "We'd like to thank the Woy-ars" - Bugs Life. Car and I used to always quote this and then laugh hysterically for 10 minutes. So funny.

9) "I'm Gerry, you're Julius, let's get some particulars and get the heck outta here." (continue dialogue), 'What I'ma do is gonna go out there and Ima get mine.' "See man, that's the worst attitude I ever heard." 'Attitude reflect leadership, Captain." -Remember the Titans. Holy crap, best movie ever! I'm always so pumped after watching this movie, it reminds me of my swimmer days...especially winning the MWC Championship my senior year!

8) "OH MY GOSH, I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I wanna SMASH your FACE in!!!" -Hot Rod. Seriously. Funniest. Movie. Ever.

7) "There's ice-skating, and snewball fights...and CHRISTMAS!" -Lucy Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia. Just say that line in a little british girl's accent and you can't help but smile!

6) "IT'S A SWEATER!" - The Three Amigos. It's a cult classic, and pretty much every line in the movie is quotable.

5) "Sharks. They only bite you, when you touch their private parts." -Ula from 50 First Dates. Another wonderfully quotable movie.

4) "Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!" -Aragorn, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. I get chills everytime I hear this part. He's such a great leader and such a great man, and I love that he doesn't want to be the king, but he accepts his role and his birthrite to become a true leader.

3) "Open the DOOoooooorrrr! I'm outsiiiiiiidddde!!!" -Mort from Madagascar 2. This movie was even better than the first one. My other favorites from this movie are, "Is she dead?" 'NO!' & (Music: More than a feeling by Boston) "I love this song." 'It never gets old.' There really are a ton of great quotes in that movie, the penquins are soooo funny!

2) "Get back, WITCH!" 'I'm not a witch, I'm your wife, and from what I just heard, I'm not sure I even wanna be THAT anymore!' -Miracle Max and his wife, Valerie in The Princess Bride. We've been quoting that one since I was a little kid. Love it!

I saved the best for last...

1) "You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." -Mr. Darcy. Oh, my gosh! It's the greatest quote of all time! He's so handsome and so vulerable here and so perfect! I think I start to cry every time I hear these lines! Amazing!

There ya go! I tag everyone who reads my blog to do this on their own. I'd love to see what you come up with!
~Ken

RELIEF Society

I love going to church. I usually get the spiritual lift I need for the week and learn more about the Gospel, but yesterday I could not believe how boring Relief Society was. I feel kind of bad for venting, but I'm going to anyway. Sacrament meeting was good. Good speakers, good musical number and I also wrote a little in my journal. Good. Sunday school was fabulous. We talked about the Prophet Joseph Smith and his contributions to the Restored Gospel. We had a great teacher who was engaging, and vocal. He asked intelligent questions and made great points. We used the scriptures and the manual and input from the class. I was feeling pretty pumped afterward, then went to Relief Society. Now, maybe it's because I have a big personality or that I'm a little ADD, but FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! The teacher was this little mouse of a girl, who sat clutching her hands together behind the pulpit and literally whispering the least-interesting parts of the lesson and then asking questions about points she had already made. I looked at the clock after what seemed like eternity and it had only been 10 minutes. FETCHIN' TEN MINUTES! I still had 45 minutes to go dealing with Ms. Mouse! I started writing notes to Carly, tried to listen and then decided it would probably be better to try and slit my wrists with a piece of paper just to make life interesting. UGH. And the saddest thing was that it wasn't just me! NO ONE in the ENTIRE class was participating. Good crap. Finally, she concluded her lesson and I dragged myself out of my comatose state just long enough to play the closing hymn. I don't know whether I should just look past the horrible lesson and hope she's better next time or just make it a point to have a sudden attack of thirstiness or something and spend RS in the hallway...

Student Council Relapse

On Wednesday and Thursday this week, I got to chaperone the AFJH Student Council on their retreat up AF Canyon. It was SO fun! These kids were super cool and really fun to be around. We stayed up at the Mutual Dell lodge playing games, cooking great food, watching movies, talking, laughing, and learning about leadership. It reminded me so much of my Senior year of high school on Student Council. I was sooooo busy that year, but it ended up being one of the greatest years of my life! Being in student government is really empowering. You put on that Council sweater/t-shirt and you feel like the queen of the school. I think for me, being on student council made more of a difference in my life than me doing anything for anyone else. I learned how to balance school, swimming, music, family, friends and my council responsibilities. I made a ton of great friends, knew everyone in my graduating class, and learned how to be an adult in a lot of cases. I'm so stoked for these kids to have those experiences.
Thursday, after NO sleep for me (giggling girls don't do much for my sleep routine), we hit up CLAS ropes course for a day of challenge course activities. It was cool to see the kids working together to accomplish a goal that doing alone seems impossible. I even got to do a couple of the activities myself, such as climbing and 30 ft tree and jumping off a platform for a ring hanging 6 feet away, a giant swing and a wheel roll. Pretty sweet.
We finished the day canoeing on the Provo River. Mr. Wright (the supervising teacher) and I totally flipped our canoe on accident after telling the kids how tippy and unsafe the canoes can be. Great examples, huh? FREEZING cold water, but we still had a great time.
I'm glad I had the chance to hang out with such great kids and have a fun time. I even got a date out of the mix, one of the CLAS guys asked me out! Funny! Good times.

Wedding Announcement...

Mark M. and Shauna Kay Smith are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter, Kendall Marie to...wait a second. No groom. Crap. Continue...Son of (fill in the blank) on someday, some month, some year in the Manti, Utah Temple. (Yes, I've decided to get married in Manti, thanks Zach). You are cordially invited to attend a reception in honor of the bride and groom that evening from 6-ish to 8-ish. The happy couple is registered at Target and Williams-Sonoma.

I'm feeling a little cynical today, can ya tell?

Everything's Changing...

Have you heard that song by Avril? I think its called Mobile. It seems like everything around me is changing right now, but I'm not. My best friend just moved to Omaha, my sister's getting married, everyone's starting school, and I feel kinda stuck. I think I'm just getting antzy that nothing's really happening in my life right now. I'm starting school (both teaching and attending), but I'm kinda feeling like "been there, done that". I HATE staying in one place for too long, but I'm broke and I need to work instead of trapsing around the country looking for the next adventure. I miss California, I miss swimming at Utah and travelling all over the place, I miss my friends that are peacing out and leaving me alone and I'm pissed that I'm poor. Ugh. Any hot, single, LDS millionaires out there? I'm available and I'm ready to hit the road!